In Latest “Woke” Poke, DeSantis Rebrands Himself

( Ron DisHonest. Ron DeSoros. Ron DeSanctimonious. Meatball Ron.

Presumptive 2024 presidential candidate Ron DeSantis has been on the receiving end of a wide range of mocking labels, most of them offered up by the Republican Party’s official playground bully himself, former President Donald J. Trump. So it probably shouldn’t come as a surprise that DeSantis is trying to head off future taunts – while also getting a shot in at his main “War on Woke” campaign theme – by giving himself a nickname.

“’DeSandman’ is not only a really cool TikTok handle, but it also taps into one of the governor’s primary defining philosophical tenets: woke fucking sucks,” says a source close to the pre-campaign. “Think massive sleepovers instead of campaign rallies, Nyquil endorsements, people nodding off in the middle of his key speeches… well, more than usual.

“’DeSandman: So Woke He’s Comatose!’ Or something like that. We’re still early days regarding slogans,” the source admitted. “But you have to admit, one thing does have a hell of a ring to it: President DeSandman.”

Ron DeSandman is supposed to make his first re-branding appearance this weekend when he serves as the keynote speaker at the Utah Republican Party convention sleepover.

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